scattered.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

John 14:1-3

~+~+~

My sister kept saying her room wasn't ready. Now she's in heaven, but her ashes will be at my house today and I don't know how I feel about it.

It is Catholic tradition not to scatter ashes as we want our people whole for the "resurrection of the body". Yet, burial at sea? Perfectly acceptable. Go fig.

Also, retaining a loved one's ashes at one's home is also not acceptable as per Catholic tradition. Since her memorial has been postponed until April, however, I am very uncomfortable leaving her at the funeral home until then.  She was supposed to move in with us this week, anyway.  [We just didn't expect it to be like this.]

So what to do?

My mother was not Roman Catholic.  In fact, out of the five siblings, I am the only one who has embraced the faith, which embrace, dear readers, you know to be waivering at times.  Still, I am a practicing Catholic and I am now wondering if I have any business pushing my views off onto anyone else with respect to all of this.

Then there's this empty space.  A great chasm, a void that has been left indellibly since Mom passed.  Sure, I stepped up and did what was right by her during her last months, but my relationship with her wasn't nearly what I would have wanted it to be; and now, the time has passed.  Amends must be living, but to whom do I now make them.

My thoughts are as scattered as ... ashes.