*this is a test*

there is no pass/fail on this question, but i am seeking your opinion...

when we were at my brother's on Sunday, we were discussing my current condition (ahem.) and my sister said, "pen, it's just a test."

oh, really? is everything a test?

is every thing, every path, every choice -- all we do, day in and day out -- a big test from God?

does it come down to that for every single word we say, every thought we entertain, every conversation we hold, every solitary moment we enjoy (or don't enjoy, as has been my case as of late) -- as being a big test from God? < inside voice > is He looking over the rims of His glasses at me and wondering wtf i have been doing lately? < /inside voice >

is that how you view your life? i like to see life through the eyes of grace, that certain things that happen to my benefit, even the simplest action from a patient or a co-worker, as a moment of grace. i would hate to view everything as a test from God; i never tested well in school and know i am having a lot of *system failures* lately.

what do you think?

in stitches

max & i spent some quality time in the ER at my hospital last night into late hours of the early morning because he caught his finger in a beach chair when he was "chillin' with some friends at the park," as he told the triage nurse. i will spare the gory details; five stitches, less than one for every hour we were there as we were there for six hours.

six.

hours.

he is fine, we are both exhausted and he now has laryngitis on top of everything else today. sent him to bed already with his tylenol #3. even thought i assist in c-sections and hand sutures off to the doctor without problem, it was a different story last night as i had to look away from max getting his finger stitched -- it is not the same when it is "one of your own," eh?
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also bought some yarn this afternoon and began crocheting a baby blanket -- no, nobody is "on the way," but i am soooo sloooow at my craft it is good to have a jump start ;) , so i am told by my dear husband!
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truthfully, my lovely yarn is a diversion as i am trying my hardest to maintain my status away from the computer as it had become an idol to me -- part of my addiction surrounds my internet use, believe it or not -- and it has been *two weeks clean* away from that which so readily ensnared me and has had me in its death grip for almost five (5) years, on and off. it is amazing what we can turn into an unhealthy thing if we do it out of balance. just about everything we do -- even those things which are seemingly benign and on their surface, innocent -- can lose their shape faster than a knitted blanket which is out of gauge and hopelessly misshapen.
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thank God for the gift of friends - both in the flesh and online - to not be afraid to reach out to me in my time of distress, leave a wonderful comment, send up a silent prayer...call me out on my stuff, to hold me accountable in my actions; to send me encouraging cards and wonderful music to help me keep centered; to email me or call me in the middle of food shopping to say "hey, i am worried about you..." to offer to take a road trip to see a mutual on-line buddy get ordained...to send money and help feed my family. i am grateful to you, and you know who you are. i owe a debt of gratitude to you all for being there for me during a time when all had seemed pretty hopeless. it has seemed that way for a long time, but now i believe i am heading into a pretty hopeful phase. thank God.
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but thank you -- you helped me from being unraveled and prevented me from coming apart at the seams. for that, i am forever grateful, for pieces of my life are woven together by God through you; you are all a part of my tapestry.

Are People *Good* or *Bad*?

Adam & Eve
Gustav Klimt

We had a very interesting discussion this morning with one of the physicians here (yeppers, I am blogging remotely) as to whether or not people are inherently "good" or "bad." The general concensus was "bad," because of the "Adam and Eve" thing, and also that "no man is righteous..." My thoughts were that people are inherently good, but as a result of their upbringing and choices they make (because of said Fall), they can/choose to turn bad. I also added that I felt we all were born with our "God Spot" and throughout our lives, while some genuinely seek God's face, others may choose to fill their Spot with things that are less than holy, thereby creating for themselves false idols.

What do you think -- do you think we are good or bad and how, why did we get this way?