i have been bugging out with all of my different, moody, unrealistic expectations of myself in the hopes of completing a project that i absolutely loathe, trying to dodge the inevitable, wishing to fall back into any addiction that will get me that rushy rush i am missing so freaking much.
Mass tonight helped. except when father breezed on through the Lord's prayer (was actually a bit happy it's not simply relegated to daily mass attendees -- my daughter said "what's the rush? is there a fire somewhere??") and he started speaking about Alexander the Great and went off on some tangential thought and while i feel i can keep up with most homilies, this one had me lost and i simply put down my pen.
after reception of the Most Holy Eucharist (thank you Lord), i found myself praying the Anima Christi and thanking God for helping get through this day. i said "i will try in earnest to have my appetites and worldly desires turned over to you...right after dinner..."
thank you, also, most Awesome and Wonderous God, for meeting me right where i am.