i love this time of year. as i was driving to mass this morning, it was chilly. should have worn a jacket.
i hesitate about going to mass at this particular church because the priest is in such a hurry. i know we can't always have these profound liturgies wherein every word from the ambo is being ariticulated in such a way as to have a deep impact upon each and every pew warmer; however, were it not for the assistance of my magnificat, i'd have had no clue what he was saying.
so then what? check my own heart to make sure i am offering my praise and my thanksgiving to God above since i need to keep my eyes focused on the Cross and not on the preacher-man.
then i decided to stay for the recitation of the rosary which, in and of itself is a noble thing for this girl who is still fostering a relationship with Mary. former protestant beliefs still kick in, but after my experience with her this week, i think i am "there." but with Mary, i approach her differently than my friends who are cradle catholics; i approach her as someone who can intercede for me to Jesus, same as i would have a friend intercede on my behalf if i desired prayer; she is holy, holy to me, and someone who also understands my needs as a mother and a woman, since she was both.
i stay where i am after the litany of ending prayers said by father, which were pretty good and not really on high-speed as was the Our Father and the Holy Holy Holy. the woman who leads the rosary is one of the ladies who still sees fit to wear a head covering at church, kneels on the step for father to place the Eucharist in her mouth, seemingly very righteous, very pious. if i had to venture a guess, i'd believe she was a cradle catholic, but i digress.
now the rosary, to me, is a serious of scriptural prayer and meditation on the life of Jesus. the incantation of the hail mary's is simply to keep the prayer moving forward, and while i'd like to say it should be simply that - an incantation - with the lady sporting the doily, it is apparent she has it for Mary, big time.
so wherein does the danger lie? in my assumption that doily woman is in love and worshiping mary, or the fact that i am making an assumption at all?
o God - please - change my heart.
my prayers throughout the rosary, at the announcement of the mystery really focus on the event we are praying about. as each prayer bead goes by between my fingers, i pray aloud: for instance, at the announcement of Jesus' resurrection, i pray a different resurrection-type prayer for each of the 10 beads...please resurrect the love in my heart for so and so, please let my prayers rise up to you, Lord, please let the spirit of oppression lift from my son's heart...so that is how i can, after all these years of fighting against praying the rosary, finally justify myself in doing so.
do i need justification?
is it none of my business how doily woman chooses to express herself to her God? yeah, it would be none of my business.
this constants state of humbling myself is a bit tiring, but i am glad things are pointed out. perhaps with my new outlet, i can reach perfection at a quicker rate...