i haven't felt the way i feel today...

...in so long it's hard for me to specify
i'm beginning to notice how much this feels
like a waking limb...pins and needles
nice to know you
good-bye ... nice to know you... to know you

Oldest Son took me to see incubus (above band) in concert for my mother's day present this year. he listens to a wide varienty of music and this was one of the more *palatable?* bands he listened to and i was say "Oldest Son, i like that song - who is it?" and it was incubus, so we went.

you know that expression "if it's too loud, you're too old?"


**but it sure smelled good there, took me back to a place long ago when the only thing i worried about (pre-Christ-knowing) was where my stash was. simpler days, to be sure, but i digress.**


he woke me up last night at 1:20 a.m. to tell me he found out yesterday afternoon, Former Girlfriend (remember, the gal he spent the afternoon with sunday? yeah, that one...) had slept with this other boy five days post break-up with him, not simply kissed. he is crushed. he is defeated. he said "i know this is going to upset you ma, but i just want to die. she has destroyed me."

in his fragility, i am aware i must be very vigilant in keeping an eye on him; he was shaking like a leaf and i don't know if it was lack of sleep, lack of food since lunchtime, pure emotion and adrenaline? or medication... unsure, but please, please pray for my boy. i told him last night a lot of this is spiritual warfare and the closer he tries to get to God, the more the devil is going to try to prevent it, to take him off the path. the fact that all of this came to light so quickly after their initial problems first started is actually a benefit, even though i am pretty darn happy he didn't find this all out at once. i can't even imagine.

he's beginning to notice how much this feels like a waking limb...pins and needles ...

i hope he finally realizes it's time for "good-bye."


Julie D. said...

You know what ... in some ways we are sooo much alike girl. I'm praying for Oldest Son AND I'm going to email you. :-)

Julie D. said...

Actually, I can't find your address and didn't save it from the other day (silly me). Anyway, most of what I was going to say, I said last night in a comment on your other (serious) blog so you know it already ... except for knowing what you mean about that smell at the concert (ahem!). :-)

~m2~ said...

((julie)) kindred sisters!

i responded to your post and posted another serious post in my serious blog (see if this has fellow bloggers running to see what is so serious in m2's life today...i am really numb, though. this is almost too much to bear.

if i told God it was too much, would He let up, since He isn't supposed to give us any more than we can handle??


Julie D. said...

He always gives us a way out ... but sometimes I wonder if I'm blinded by the pain ... I'm off to look at your other blog.

Julie M. said...

First off, your son is in my prayers.

Secondly, Incubus ROCKS!- Julie M.