I wanted to update my story from last night. I tend to write from the hip, which while it is honest at the time of writing, I recognize that it is one-sided.
My husband text-messaged me during my meeting this morning with the words, “we have to talk.” Not a lengthy message, but one I know took about 5 minutes to tap out because he is not proficient in this type of technology. I stepped out of my meeting to talk with him and there was much more going on with him than simply an argument about parenting, even though his being a parent is part of it. My ex-husband was in this weekend with his family to see the baby; which in and of itself, was cause for my husband to feel a bit threatened since he hardly sees the baby. The icing on the cake, so to speak, was that my former spouse and his family were staying – the entire weekend – at my son’s in-law’s and would be there for three days. When our visits are so few and far between, it is hard to reconcile all of this, regardless of how close we are vs. how far away my former is (in Massachusetts). It would seem that it would be easier to be farther away than have such limitations, but I am digressing.
We are a people driven by pain and fear. What I am learning in these rooms is so important for even every day life, regardless of whether or not you are blessed enough to be an alcoholic. It is about not feeling responsible for making everybody else’s decisions. It is about letting go and letting God do what He must in order to bring about His glory. It does not make the pain any easier to traverse through, but it is a cool thing to get to the other side of it. My husband needs to know I am on his team, that talking it out and getting an opinion is so much healthier than carrying it around and letting it eat away at you until you have an outburst about something that is seemingly insignificant (not that why he out-bursted yesterday was insignificant; it could have been done differently).
What did I learn from this? What is essential is to have an open heart – to put aside my “ism,” and try to keep my heart open to hear things that aren’t being said. Not necessarily to guess what the other is thinking, but to think back over the events of the weekend and recognize where hurt may have been pushed aside and not dealt with on the level it was needed.
And mostly – that it is appropriate to apologize for hurting someone, regardless of whether you were “right” or “wrong.” It could mean the difference in the type of day that is had.
And I am alright with that.