Dysthimia

i think i have functional depression.  i just googled it.  i didn't know if it was a "real" thing or not, but i swear, this is me:

Others present with what is called dysthimia, functional depression, wherein the person is able to go through the motions of their day, but with complete apathy. Some people with dysthimia can function this way for years with their depression going undetected. Dysthimia is especially hard for a woman, who is expected socially to hold up the fort emotionally during times of stress, these women typically have problems with confidence, sex, and motivation. 

get OUT!!  there is a term for it???  i will tell you this:  i would so not leave my house if i didn't absolutely HAVE TO.  that is where i am.  i feel as if i am going through the motions of my day, peppered with interactions and necessary communications (and yes, some bouts of that fleeting thing called *joy*) but if i had my choice, i would keep the blinds drawn, jammies on, coffee brewing, candles lit.  if i didn't have to talk, i may not (although i would most assuredly write).  if i didn't have to move, i don't think i would. 

i go to work.  i go to meetings.  (many meetings as my daughter informed me last night).  i take care of my family as best i can.  i try and work my 12-step program and do step work with my reluctant sponsees, of whom i have not brought one to a completion of step 12 prior to picking up.  my success rate is not so hot. 

[maybe that is a contributing factor?]

The good news is that once dysthimia is diagnosed, often times a very low dose of anti-depressant is required for treatment. This, along with regular exercise, relationship, marriage and/or group therapy can have an amazing and profound life changing effect. Some people even report good results with hypnosis or special audio or video programs with subliminals in the background.

that being said, i already see a therapist and am already on a low dose of an anti-depressant.  the group therapy i believe is covered with my attendance at my AA meetings, but hypnosis or audios or vids with subliminals in the background?


[is that what i have brought myself to?]