*and all these things shall be added as unto you...*

i am just going to rant about a topic i know i have touched upon before: dieting.

just got back from the doctor's - he put me back on a medication a couple of months ago and he likes to follow up to see how they are faring on said medication. i said "i was flying below the radar until i got on your evil scale, then i thought i'd like to die, thank you."

you have to understand my doctor: i started seeing him about two years ago this past spring. he is meticulous, fastidious, has a great practice, keeps his appointments running on time, great diagnostician. bedside manner? not so great, but hey, the rest adds up okay.

when i got on the scale two years ago he said "pen, we have to talk about your weight." me, being the defensive one, said "doc, you don't really know me. i just lost over 60 pounds on the atkins diet."

"you need to lose about 20 more. this is concerning to me."

i sat there, flabbergasted while he pulled out his drawer in front of him and neatly laid the paper clips all in a careful row.

"you need to be down about 20 more pounds, at least, and your cholesterol is going to need to take a hit, too..."

seething, was i.

"i'll be right back," he said after he closed the drawer. " i want to go and get an appointment for your physical and we'll take it from there."

it took everything within me not to reopen the drawer and simply trash his meticulous paper clip alignment. i chose to grumble instead.

that was two years ago and dare i say it here? 26 FLIPPING POUNDS LATER HE WAS FREAKING RIGHT.

*sigh*

this is a man, 6' tall, plays 2 hours of racquetball a day and can subsist on diet coke and one lean cuisine meal a day. that's it. said he used to be very heavy and after seeking out dieticians and weight loss clinics, supplements, herbal remedies, he found what worked for him: barely anything to eat, lots to drink, end of story.

i wanted to ask him something snarky two years ago about his intestinal tract and no fiber, but decided against it. today, i simply sat in my chair, head down, fighting to hold in the tears and listening to him intently as he talked about the potential for diabetes, thyroid issues, liver and kidney malfunctions -- even though he doesn't think that's what is could be, still wants to test me for it -- and then told me for the three weeks following my lab and heart tests, he wants me to keep a food journal.

"write down everything - not the non-caloric things, just anything with calories and we'll take a look at it when you come in to review your lab tests."

i know the atkins way of eating (hereinafter "woe") cannot be healthy in the long-term (can it???) however, since i've gone off of it completely, i've put on 35 pounds altogether. can i blame it on the lack of ephedra in my system? i stopped taking that supplement when they banned it two years ago and since the weight started creeping up, i thought maybe i should switch my woe to a healthier "weight watchers" woe. well, how's that workin' for me?

is this simply a vanity issue with me?

i am despondent and wish to simply curl up on the couch and watch the weather channel.

*sigh*

if you guys knew what i ate, you'd be just as incredulous as my doctor was when i told him: oatmeal w/fresh fruit in the morning, salad at lunch, sensible freaking dinner (and occasionally, ahem, a glass of wine or four...) i should be a slimfast commercial and to say i am at a loss would be an oxymoron. i eat no white flour (or things with white flour in them), no sugar at all. zip. zilch. nada. low in fat. (i guess that's an oxymoron too, huh?)

i do walk a bit, but you know how i feel about sweating, so don't *go there* 'kay?

i have always ascribed to *seek ye first the Kingdom of God* but hardly expected *all these things shall be added as unto thee* to mean pounds...