trying to stay the course...

Photo credit: Dorthea Lange

I feel like I have been at a bit of a cross-roads when it comes to my religion as of late -- please note, I did not say faith.

Our parish is at the very least lukewarm and unfortunately, most of the parishes in my area are about the same. I have recently withdrawn from serving as Extraordinary Minister and Lector for right now due to health concerns, work and family issues, but feel the decision to do so was a good one, was warranted, and was not at all walking away at a time when there are no others to step up -- there are always others and they always step up. I felt as though I was being called away and I have peace about it.

What this has afforded me is an opportunity to explore other churches in the area, which I have touched upon. What I am finding in doing so is that while I am being *fed* with the sermons and the music, I am missing tremendously the Eucharist. It is almost an unbearable ache, like He is calling to me and this is because I believe that Jesus is present in the Eucharist and to me, that is where it starts and stops. Sure, I can visit elsewhere, but I need to be with the Lord as He said He would be with me; joined at the table.

Lent is approaching and I said to my husband last night, my husband who has remained steadfast and true to the faith during all these months of my searching and my questioning, that I cannot imagine myself as anything other than Catholic!! I am submitting myself to the Lord during these next few weeks in prayer and supplication and will do whatever He tells me to do. I have lots of praying and reading to do, and as I mentioned yesterday, I am incredibly fond of JPII and feel there is a real connectedness between us, even more so than when he was living! What is that about? Something else for me to explore, I guess.

Of importance to note is I have another appointment with a potential Spiritual Director -- I had one in the fall with a Sister who was very nice, but I felt no connectedness and she made suggestions which may have been valid, but seem patent to everyone and not simply me (why I think I must be sooo different is another story...) This new Sister and I meet tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. and while I almost didn't take the appointment, the Holy Spirit whispered really, really loud that it was "ADVISABLE TO DO SO." We will see what transpires...

So while my posting may be disjointed and questioning aloud, most posts will be open to comments, some not (but always opened to email). This is a cyber-soul-searching adventure and while I feel more confident about where I am headed with all of this, I appreciate your walking with me on this road.

It's a bit narrow, but I am sure we can all fit.