Day 4 - 90 in 90

loved, loved, loved the meeting last night. sat next to young woman i have literally known for years; was uncertain who was more surprised to see who.

since i am so new and really have nothing to share during the meeting, i sit and i listen which, given some of the testimony from one of the members who was "60 days into sobriety and since my sponsor isn't here, thought i'd share the following," is okay and necessary for me to do. the stories are amazing, saddening, from incredibly brave and hurting people. i am so empathetic that regardless of my present situation, i could see wanting to attend these meetings, regardless.

but i have a problem and i am trying to get to the bottom of it. i believe once i find a sponsor and compile my "fearless and thorough" inventory, i will find out just how sick i really am.

last night's quote o' the night (and man, there were many):

Hurt people hurt people.



Owen said...

Just wondering if our mutal blogging friend and my fellow Canadian Hope has followed this part of your story or you hers in recent days?

O {arts & fath} {faith & art}

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Thank you my dear friend for inviting me over to this site. I am so proud of you. I love the 12 Steps and all the wonderful people and sayings that are part of it.

Yes, hurt people hurt people. That one is hugely significant.

I am with you every STEP of the way. You inspire the heck out of me. Keep writing!

Steve F. said...

I agree that there is much you have to absorb, and it's true that we need to listen, early in sobriety.

But I'd also repeat what I told you on the chat-box - identifying yourself, and saying "...and this is my (x)th meeting in (x) days of sobriety, and I'm here to listen," has immense power. Letting people know you're there, and you're new, is important. Even if you can't say the A-word yet, saying "I'm m2 and I have a desire not to drink, today..." is close enough.

Our 3rd tradition says you belong even if you're only that honest. In fact, it used to say "The only requirement for membership is an honest desire to stop drinking," and they took the "honest" out. They knew better.

After all, who in early sobriety wants to stop drinking? We want the consequences, the guilt and the shame to go - but if we could do that and keep on drinking, many of us would. Not drinking is not natural for us...

It's just less horrific than what we were doing before, usually.

You're a miracle, baby. Hang on to that, even if you don't believe it or feel it yet. It'll come...