gratefulness.

iStock Photo

As they were going they were cleansed.
And one of them, realizing he had been healed,
returned, glorifying God in a loud voice;
and he fell at the feet of Jesus and thanked him. Luke 17:11-19, in part

A really touching piece at 614 Charlotte. It started with a phone call and making and distributing pies - how wonderful!

We have one family of five kids here, 10, 10, 13, 14, 17. Their Mother left two weeks ago and just never came back....

The Gospel message this weekend had to do with the 10 lepers who were healed and only one returning to say thank you. I am always incredibly humbled by this passage, even more so as I continued reading about the sweet family mentioned above:

...I felt very humbled when bringing them their pies because they were truly thankful. The two little guys hugged me so hard I thought that I would drop the pies.

We could learn so much from the little ones.

"Ten were cleansed, were they not? Where are the other nine?
Has none but this foreigner returned to give thanks to God?"
Then he said to him, "Stand up and go; your faith has saved you."

Rembrandt. Beggar seated on a bank, 1630. Etching

~~

Give to the man who begs from you.
Do not turn your back on the borrower.
~~Matthew 5:42

I read this in the early hours before working at the hospital this morning and it came to my mind off and on all day -- since it is found in my "red letters" in the Book of Matthew in my bible, I know that Jesus said it and I am wondering what He could possibly have meant by it.

What do you think He meant by it?

Give to the man who begs from me.....that could be any one of the street people I have passed in my life, any number of people who have approached me for "a dollar." Give to the man who begs from me? How often have I said "Sorry, I don't have anything," all the while knowing I have a clean $20 in my wallet "just in case?" or when I felt it wasn't necessary to empty my change because I was in a hurry?

Was it Jesus in disguise asking for me to help?

Did He really mean it?

Do not turn your back on the borrower. Could that be the person I walked by and pretended not to hear while I was hurrying to my place of ( insert your place of whatever here ) -- Jesus didn't really mean we had to stop and place something in the coffers...did He? How could He? Is this another one of those Words that was only meant for "the time and the audience," or does it pertain to me now? Here and now?

Should we pick apart what He has said in Scripture, or reflect on how 50 different translations spin it or should we simply live out the Scriptures as Jesus would have it?

How would it affect your life, if at all?

Is it not time to take the Word of God seriously?

sound asleep

Sleeping on Couch
Peggy Molloy

~~~

from today's Old Testament reading at Mass, the most eloquent prophet Jeremiah:

Thus says the LORD:
This is what I commanded my people:
Listen to my voice;
then I will be your God and you shall be my people.
Walk in all the ways that I command you,
so that you may prosper.

They walked in the hardness of their evil hearts
and turned their backs, not their faces, to me.

Let's stop right there and deliberately take the sentence apart: "...turned their backs to me."

How do I feel when my children do that to me out of anger, or self-righteousness? Or when I have hurt my children or upset them to the degree that they won't even turn to me when I am speaking to them? How can it be that I expect God to "understand" exactly how upset I am with the way things are going right now when I won't even look at Him?

I think I am in the throes of a depression because all I really want to do is sleep; I have little energy for anything else and while I would like to blame my underactive, lump-containing thyroid, I don't think that is what it is. I've never been in depression before -- goodness, I take 40mg/Paxil daily! My anxiety is under control, but there is something else at work in me. Do I give in to it and sleep or do I fight it, throw on my Chucks and walk in the way God is commanding me? Do I head straight for the Word of God and see what He suggests I do?

Today and yesterday, I have opted to sleep. How do you suppose that is working for me? One would think "wow, she must be well-rested," but honestly, I don't feel as though I have slept at all. I feel like instead of facing God, I am opting to roll over on the couch and turn away from Him, from whatever it is He wishes to impart. I've had so many people praying and for what? Weren't these nodules supposed to disappear because someone laid hands on me? Am I supposed to look at the *bright side* and say "at least they were caught 'in time'?" I am, to a degree. But in this situation, I am honestly not thanking God for any of it. In all things give thanks...a directive, but my back is turned so I can't really hear it.

What would happen if I "turned my face to Him" and stopped turning my back on Him? Could it really be that the Creator of the Universe, the One who knit me in my mother's womb and knows the hair count of my head wants me to turn my face to Him and look up? As if I were a flower, turning toward the sun, maybe His rays will bring me some sort of healing...and maybe that healing won't be instantaneous, but it would come.

I was told today by my trusted Pastor friend that I want to reach for anything that feels familiar right now because I am in pain. Instead of doing that which I desired most (read: delve into my addiction), I resorted to the familiarity of my snug sofa with a quilt wrapped around me and the phone unplugged...the cats cuddled right in with me. Just like a child who was trying to hide from her Parent, I was hiding under the covers and thinking He won't notice me and will turn His attention to something else, like ending poverty or the war or better yet, helping a scientist find the cure for AIDS.

Pastor also told me that it was time to stop running. He thinks I am being brought to the end of myself, the place where God has wanted me all along, and instead of resisting, I should surrender and "turn my back around."

Better yet, maybe I should look up from under my blanket because God is sitting at the foot the couch, waiting to talk to me.

Scripture o' the Day

Photographer: altrendo images

~~~

there are days you just need to hold onto something, anything, to pull you through. today, i chose Isaiah 57 (or perhaps....it was chosen for me?)

Healing for the Backslider

And one shall say,

Heap it up! Heap it up!
Prepare the way,
Take the stumbling block out of the way of My people."
For thus says the High and Lofty One
Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy:

"I dwell in the high and holy place,
With him who has a contrite and humble spirit,
To revive the spirit of the humble,
And to revive the heart of the contrite ones.
For I will not contend forever,
Nor will I always be angry;
For the spirit would fail before Me,
And the souls which I have made.
For the iniquity of his covetousness
I was angry and struck him;
I hid and was angry,
And he went on backsliding in the way of his heart.
I have seen his ways, and will heal him;
I will also lead him,
And restore comforts to him
And to his mourners.

"I create the fruit of the lips:
Peace, peace to him who is far off and to him who is near,"
Says the LORD,
"And I will heal him."

But the wicked are like the troubled sea,
When it cannot rest,
Whose waters cast up mire and dirt.
"There is no peace,"
Says my God, "for the wicked."

fruits of the Spirit...

Giovanna Garzoni (1600-1670)
Plate of Figs
h/t Art Knowledge News

I always found it curious that when St. Paul wrote to the Galatians (ch. 5, v22-23) regarding the fruit of the Holy Spirit, "self-control" was included:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control...

Now, I don't have too much trouble with more than two of the above (at one time, I suppose!), but the self-control thing? Gets me every time.

Why do you suppose self-control was added? Perhaps it was an after-thought, since it is listed at the very end of this scripture?

Do you also find that with anything else you pray for, if you pray specifically for one of the gifts, challenges come along for you to pony up in order to be an eventual recipient of said gift (sort of like, be careful what you pray for...)?

What say you?

Being Directed

Rogier Van der Weyden
The Magdalen Reading

~*~*~*~

I left for my meeting yesterday morning with great anticipation because I was meeting with someone different than the first time - I don't recall how much I discussed it other than I didn't *feel* it went well and when the phone rang the other day to set up the appointment with the other Sister, I leaped at the chance.

As it turned out, I had the same Spiritual Director as I did the first time -- she had seen the appointment book over her secretary's shoulder and said "Penni is one of mine!" so she came instead of the other nun. I had left something in the car so I used my short walk to retrieve my notes as a time for quick prayer to (a) not let my disappointment show and (b) further prayed that I would be open to whatever God had intended for me to know through Sister during our 45-minute meeting.

Can I tell you? We chatted for an hour and a half and it was wonderful! I brought up several issues with the Church that I had been struggling with, she gave me terrific advice and suggestions and said that the longer she sat and talked with me, the more the Lord was "laying on her heart" that I am "a contemplative but don't quite know it...yet..." There are great "depths to where He wants to take" me and she said that it kept coming up in her very strongly as we were talking. She made further suggestions about going to Adoration and practicing Lectio Divina. I am willing to give it a try.

When I came home, there was an envelope from a nearby parish in my mail regarding a seminar they will be holding on "Centering Prayer." Turns out, it is on one of my weekend days off toward the end of February.

Well, now :)

It was as if God is now saying to me, "Where to next?"

have ye a personal relationship with Jesus?

i am on the brink of something and i know i have probably discussed this topic with my best good friends and felt like i was on the verge of *knowing* really, really *knowing* but then something happens and i simply fall short.

i am going to open this up with the topic honora posted on her blog this morning: hearing the Word as it is meant to be heard --

But there is one thing I envy of non-Catholic Christians, and that is their ability to hear the Word as it was meant to be heard.

We hear the Word in much monotone, we pray in monotones, and yet, there was never a more Passionate personality on the earth. "How I have longed to eat this Passover with you before I suffer" and "Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy burdened; I will give you rest" and "I go to prepare a place for you... if it were not so, I would have told you."

i attended Mass this morning at my favorite place in the entire world; i needed to simply *be* so there i went. Fr. said his usual Mass in his usual monotone and it was nothing more than i ever expected it to be: he's hurried, he's harried, he mumbles, i forgot my magnificat, which was not his fault but mine. however, when i went to Pastor Charlie's church and listened to him preach - it was incredible. i felt as though the Word came alive for me - why must we as Catholics be forced to choose whether we receive the Word inside of us or receive it in the Eucharist? why can we not have both?

but i am digressing. (we can actually discuss both since it is Advent and all)

back to honora's thread -- she went further and said:

Now imagine this someone Wonderful looking into your eyes saying these things with the greatest Love. Imagine Him reaching for your hand, or touching your face. Hear the inflections; imagine the smile. Imagine the quiet Fire of Him while reading His love in Scripture.

are you kidding me?
honestly?

i cannot.

in her comments section, i stated (and i am really putting myself out here, but such is life and such is me...): i have never, ever imagined Jesus looking into my eyes and saying these things...touching my face...hearing His inflections. God knows i don't even daydream about heaven; it's like a fantasy to me that i dare not dream about.

never. not one time and if i do allow myself to *go there*, i end up feeling like it is fantasizing and i have no business doing so i brush those thoughts away and divert my attention to something else.

Lord, have mercy -- can anyone understand this?

i have received some wonderful advice from honora, cubeland mystic, and a dear friend over the telephone...i feel as though i am on the brink or edge of something beyond anything i have ever imagined. i feel as though if i simply let go, it would happen, but i am afraid.

my biggest admission of all:

is there something wrong with me? how do i *get* there? if i had this sort of passion for the One who may harbor that type of passion for me, perhaps i wouldn't be so quick to look elsewhere to have that particular need met.

what.
am.
i.
so.
afraid.
of?

that maybe He'll see right through me...